Friends Dating Places

Let’s be clear here: I’m not talking The Bachelor style dating where you take a group of women on the same date and at the end only give the winner a rose. It’s such a bad idea that I’m not even sure how it’s a television show, and quite frankly it sounds kind of illegal.

If you’re taking someone you met on your free dating sites and you’re going to meet them for the first time, you can feel a lot of pressure. There’s tips and tricks to that first meeting, like doing it in a public place and somewhere you can distract yourselves if the conversation ever goes south, but those are usually mundane places that don’t add much of a spark to that first date.

A great way to relieve that pressure and still have a good time is to bring that person to a group setting. Most people’s biggest worry for the first date is how they’re going to keep the conversation going smoothly. When you’re with a group of friends, you always have someone to lean back on when there’s an awkward pause. You don’t need to be thinking about the next thing to say, because chances are someone already has that covered.

If you’re going to walk the group date line, make sure you’ve told your date! There’s no bigger buzz kill than thinking you’re going to get some one-on-one time only to realize that you’re surrounded by people. If you think this is going to be best dating dynamic for the two of you, let her know that you have friends that know a certain area very well who have offered to show the two of you around. This won’t only impress her that you’ve gone so far out of your way, but it may relax her as well, knowing that she won’t be meeting a stranger alone for the first time.

Make sure that you’re always being inclusive! She may feel uncomfortable if you’re focusing all your attention on her, and she’ll be really uncomfortable if you’re putting it all on your friends. Talk in rounds, have some fun, and enjoy the date! If it’s going better than you thought, you can always sneak away for a little alone time.

This poor guy to the left is Los Angeles Lakers player Pau Gasol. Why does he look so sad? Maybe it’s because his coach, hall-of-famer Phil Jackson, just retired. Or maybe it’s the fact that his team, the two time defending champions may I add, just got kicked out of the NBA playoffs in a 4-0 sweep by the Dallas Mavericks. Or maybe it’s because his long time girlfriend, Spanish TV talk show host Silvia Lopez Castro, dumped his ass during the most important time of his career. I’m going to say it was probably that last one.

I felt so bad for the guy! Not only did he get dumped, but you could tell it was on his mind. I think he’s usually a great player, but watching him in the playoffs, you could tell that his head simply wasn’t in the game. Couldn’t she have waited the four weeks until the playoffs were done? Or just ‘went on vacation’ until the Lakers had sealed their own fate organically?

I brought this point up to my friends last night expecting a full round of agreements and comments on how Lopez Castro pulled a bitch move, but instead I had a room full of people saying what she did was right! Um.. excuse me? It’s ‘right’ to leave the person you’re dating during the most important time of their careers? I demanded they explain themselves, and they did. Actually, they did so well that I think I may have changed my mind on it myself.

The first reasons they brought up I saw as selfish. Things like “You shouldn’t have to be with someone you’re not in love with,” and “It’s going to be harder on yourself if you wait for a time that is good for them.” Yes, but there’s two people in that relationship and you can’t always think about yourself. You should have to take their feelings into consideration. After all, if you’re dating them, you’re dating them for a reason. Just because you want to break up, doesn’t mean you can forget about all the reasons you were together in the first place. But then they said something that sparked my interest in their side of it: Staying with them isn’t fair to them. It seems like something you would say to make yourself feel better, but it’s true. Staying with someone for the sake of not breaking up with them during an important time will give them false hopes, and will leave them feeling stupid for not seeing it before.

A lot of people wait until after the Christmas/New Years season before they break up with someone. But imagine being that person. February first rolls around, and they finally break up with you. How long had they wanted to do that for? All those ‘good times’ you had together over the holidays, were they all an act to make you feel better? It’s not like someone you only talk to through a dating search has stopped messaging you. This is your partner who you probably love. Do you really want to remember the end as you still feeling wildly in love, and them staying together with you out of, what, pity?

And if you stay together to avoid making a hard time harder, you’re probably going to do just the opposite. When you make the decision to break up with someone, your mind subconsciously does things to make it easier on you. Showcases their flaws, reminds you of things they do that irritates you… You know the feeling. Having things like this on your mind causes problems and arguments, which can just add stress to what their going through.

Obviously I still believe there’s exceptions to this rule. I wouldn’t break up with someone in the same week a family member passes away, but if they’re worried about a big project at work, it probably would be better in the end to just cut things off regardless of the circumstances.

If you’re about to break up with someone for any reason, do it gently and make sure you can both handle it during tough times. And because I think you’ll need it: Good luck!

When making a first impression on free dating sites, your only option is to send a message. Even if you write the most heart felt, witty, charming message in the history of online dating, spelling mistakes will still stand out.

I’ve had people message me in the past and, guilty, I’ve messaged people before without hitting the spellcheck button, but then I realized that trying to date someone online is kind of like sending off resumes. This is my first impression for someone with something that I really want, why would I not make sure I’m putting my best foot forward?

I’ve since refined my search for dating because not only did I start noticing my mistakes, I also noticed the mistakes in messages that people were sending me. You’re a law graduate from UCLA? Really? Then why did your message read “I really like you’re profile!”? People have a hard time trusting strangers they’re talking to for the first time, and small things like spelling mistakes can mislead them about both your background and your intelligence level. It’s hard to believe that someone with a strong academic background with make such simple mistakes.

While we’re on the subject of grammar in messages, I have a personal pet peeve that I want you to avoid: Don’t treat them like they’re text messages! No one wants to get an inbox message like ‘i like ur profile. do u want 2 talk sumtime?’. It’s very impersonal and doesn’t fit the circumstances properly. If a girl gets a message like that, her first thoughts are going to be he probably sent this message to everyone, and I’m not going to waste my time messaging him back. People can tell when you’re being sincere online and when you’re just trying to run the game to get a date. Grammar and spelling is important because not only does it show that you truly are an intelligent person, but also that you are willing to take the time to present yourself properly.

The truth is, usually when people send off messages, they do them quickly and spelling mistakes happen out of laziness and simple overlooks. Spell check is free and a great way to put a small improvement on your message. Do yourself the favor of running a quick review of your messages before sending them off. After all, you only have one shot at a first impression!