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Sometimes we can have friends that we really care about quite a bit, and they end up being friends with benefits. Often the relationship is actually even deeper than a romantic relationship because the couple started out being true friends. They end up being people that we can really confide in, tell our deepest and darkest secrets to, and share with in ways that we can’t with other friends that we are not intimate with.
It may not make sense that two people like that aren’t in love with each other and having a romantic relationship, but sometimes this type of friendship can actually transcend a romantic relationship or last quite a bit longer than the average marriage. Being a great match as friends or even friends with benefits does not preclude that the couple would be a great match for anything more than that. While in a friend’s with benefits relationship, there can be deep love between the two people, but a friend love instead of a romantic love, and the friend love is often the stronger and longer lasting of the two.
Timing is everything in life, which is no surprise that when it comes to love, you have to do your best to time it out. Telling someone too soon about your feelings can scare them off, and waiting too long can put you in the friend zone or, worse, it gives the other person a chance to have feelings for someone else.
When you’re already their friend, it’s even trickier to time it out well. Friends dating is a difficult pool to dip your toes into to begin with, so taking the dive proves to be one of the hardest things someone can do.
There are plenty of good times to tell a friend that you’re interested in dating them, but people seem to concentrate on the right times so much that they completely forget about the wrong times.
If you’re going to tell someone you’re interested them, make sure it’s near no holiday or big event in their life!
A lot of people wait to spill the beans until an occasion they think would create a special opportunity, but that could prove to be the biggest flaw a person could commit.
Look at it this way: Let’s say you have a friend you’ve been in love with, and you’re waiting until their birthday to tell them about it. If that person has the same feelings as you, then great, you’re in the clear. But if they don’t, you’re ruining a day they undoubtedly looked forward to for a long time. It takes away from their special day and makes them feel like an ass when they should be feeling on top of the world. Not only that, but if the failed confession leads to the downfall of your friendship, they’ll be sure to think of that every year on their birthday.
If you’re going to make a big move, don’t do it on an already special occasion!
There comes a point where you have to make the decision between living silently in love with a friend, and actually making the move to do something about it. Often both parties are thinking the exact same, but both are too nervous to do anything about it.
Unless you want to live in the land of ‘What if I manned up and actually said something one day?’ for the rest of your life, then you’re going to have to make the move. And you’ll have to be prepared.
Before you tell them, try your best to anticipate their reaction. How do you think they are going to react? Will it be welcomed? Will they be surprised? Have you two had a change in chemistry together that would let them know this was coming? Try to put yourself in their shoes so you have a chance to brace yourself for how they’ll react.
Once you’re ready to tell them, do your best not to just blurt it out. Sometimes nerves get the best of people and you have no control over what you say, but attempt to start your sentence off with something simple like, “I know this is a big change but…” followed by an explanation as to why you think it would work for the two of you. As you’re explaining your position, make sure you say “This might be something you haven’t thought of before.” This makes them have to put thought into if they’ve thought of the pros and cons themselves. If they have, they’ll be reminded of what they thought about and if they haven’t, they’ll be forced to do a self-evaluation as to why not.
Friends datingis a big step, so tell them before they react, you want them to take a few days to consider it. That way whatever they may say will be a genuine response, not just a natural reaction to what you’ve said.
If they think about it and decide that dating isn’t the best option for the two of you, don’t take it personally! They’re not rejecting you, they’re simply passing on the idea of the two of you dating. Sure you may have reasons for being together, but they could have just as many valid reasons to remain friends, and you have to respect that.
If they think it over and decide that you should be more then friends, then make it special! Make sure that no matter how your attraction is, you’re constantly working on your communication. That way if your romantic relationship doesn’t work out, your friendship is still in tact.
If you want to tell someone you’re interested in a romantic relationship, then go for it! There’s nothing wrong with wanting something more than what you have. Be brave, be blunt, and get what you want!
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