Alright ladies, listen closely, because this is important: You have to stop looking at Lady Gaga like she’s a fashion icon if you’re in the middle of a search for dating. I could handle it when everyone started wearing those little hair bows when she first came out. That was tolerable. I even kind of dug it when girls started getting those straight across, really blonde bangs that she rocked when she broke out onto the scene. I’d even push it as far as saying that when she brought lace back, I thought it was kind of sexy. But if you’re going to start dating someone new, there’s a few things you need to know.
First, no matter how good Lady Gaga’s performance was at whatever award show she was at last night, we don’t want to hear about it. Second, we’re overloaded with our radio telling us how revolutionary her new album is, and frankly we don’t care. Please don’t make us also have to listen about it at dates. Third, and this is most important, don’t dress like her!! There’s a reason she dresses like that on stage– because that’s the only place someone could get away with looking like that in public!
I have never met a single guy who gets turned on by the things Lady Gaga wears. Sure I have some friends who can appreciate the artistic statement and creative value of what she wears, but not a single one of them would want to do her while she’s wearing one of those outrageous things.
I thought I’d do you all a favor and let you know what Lady Gaga-esq things we really don’t want to see during a date.
- Dress your age. Kermit belongs in play-dates, not adult dates.
- Do your hair, don’t wear your hair.
- Don’t wear a dress that I want for dinner. If you do, I promise, the dress will be the only thing I eat for the night.
- Go easy on the makeup! Black lipstick just doesn’t work for anyone.
- Also go easy on the hairspray.
- Don’t wear something that might offend religious dates with.
- Keep your food on your plate, not your head.
- Pearls on your jewelry is classy. Pearls on your face is crazy.
- If we want to see your underwear, we’ll ask. That means no fishnet outfits.
- Don’t wear anything that remotely looks like this.
If you do any of these things, then you’re doing it wrong. Hit up J.Crew and get a button down! We understand if you’re a ‘Little Monster,’ but we don’t need to know that just by looking at you. Trust me ladies, if you want the second date, ditch the meat dress.